I'm running out of hope. A dream was planted within me; a dream that will not die...a dream that God created in me from the beginning. The dream comes from a very special gift He gave to me, along with a good idea of how I believe I'm meant to use it, and a promise from Him that I someday will.
Along the way, the dream has grown...matured. I want nothing more than to use my gift for God's glory alone. It has also intensified. He has given me opportunity to develop it along the way, which has helped me to hang onto it, never letting it die...but I'm not getting any younger here, and while I know that I probably have quite a while before I'm out of time, I'm getting the increasing feeling that it's slipping away. I've begun to mourn the death of my dream, and when it hits me, it feels like my heart is being ripped out.
It has to be the enemy who has been standing against me all this time. Certainly he doesn't want me using it, I might just crush his head.
Over the years, I have had small glimpses of what it might be like to be used for God's glory because of the gifts He has given me, but nothing like what He promised me has ever come to fruition. I always end up on the sidelines, aching to do what I know I was created for.
Can you imagine having a strong ability as well as a great desire to use it from childhood, and reaching middle age still waiting, still hoping with childlike faith that it will happen? I'm getting older, I'm tired, and I'm running out of hope.
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